make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
