u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
