he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
