____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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