I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
