So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You ate ashes out of my bong
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
