Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
