I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
