she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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