any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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