You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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