i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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