he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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