I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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