I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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