i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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