u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
