hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You did what with his pubic hair?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
