I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
