i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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