So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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