By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
