Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
