it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
