Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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