Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
