I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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