Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
