So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
