all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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