Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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