Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
