I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
As shirtless as possible
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I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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