Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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