We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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