maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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