im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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