i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
