the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
