Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize