I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
