in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
