so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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