Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We left the knife in your bed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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