You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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