Can i not drive my cunt home
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
