were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
