We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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