do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
