I swear she didn't look like that last week.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
