so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
