Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i now understand why vodka
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
