all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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