Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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