I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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