We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
