the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Shame - the story of my life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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