I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's official drugs can't kill me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
