Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
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The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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