I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
