she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
