Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
