she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So much rum. So many feels.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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