Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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