her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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