If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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