I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
