he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
