I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
