Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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