HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
