i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
