why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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