Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
