I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
