I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
