hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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